Patti's Ponderings

Forget Not. . .

2011-09-25T23:17:00.000-06:00

I almost didn't get to attend the Relief Society Broadcast this past Saturday night. I was scheduled to work. But luckily, my assistant manager was willing and able to switch shifts with me.

I cannot even really begin to express how uplifting and inspiring the talks were for me. It has been a very emotional, difficult week for me and the calm, peaceful feelings of the Spirit were just what I needed to bring the week to a close. I thoroughly enjoyed every single talk. I especially loved President Uchtdorf's talk. He is just so kind, so gentle, so easy to listen to. Actually, I think I like the whole Presidency equally.

Sometimes, after these types of meetings, I come away feeling really overwhelmed at all the things I should be doing that I'm falling short at. I feel like I'm never going to be able to "make it" because I just can't get all the gears in motion at the right time, at the right speed and in the right direction! But this time, I came away feeling empowered. Feeling like I was on the right track and I just need to keep moving forward. I feel like I can do this! Like I can succeed!

If you weren't able to attend the broadcast, you can read about it here. And President Uchtdorf's talk is also at this link in it's entirety. I knew as soon as I heard him talking, that I was going to need to design something to go along with his talk. The designs were already rattling around in my brain. I wasn't surprised that I wasn't the only one as a few cute designs started popping up on Facebook. So, today I got to work! Hope you like it.

I think my favorite part of the whole talk was the section on the "why" of the gospel. I have always felt that understanding why we do the things we do is so important. Understanding why we do it, changes the way we do it! Whatever "it" is. I know that there have been times in my life that I have done something simply because it was the "right" thing to do. But I also have gone into it with a desire to understand the "why" behind the commandment, the task, or whatever "it" may have been. And I believe that because of my willingness to be obedient before I fully understood the "why" coupled with my desire to understand put me in a position where I was able to be blessed with a clearer understanding--a testimony--of the principle. I know that I could never had made it through some of the experiences that I have had without being blessed with a deeper understanding.

I fully believe that our Heavenly Father is preoccupied (as Elder Maxwell once put it) with one thing. And that is to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (see Moses 1:39). Every trial, every blessing, every thing we experience is with that one goal in mind. While some days I lose sight of this goal and stumble, it is my goal also to be able to obtain "immortality and eternal life" and to help as many as I can to obtain it also!!

I hope that we can all remember to "forget not" these very important things that will help us and help those we are privileged to associate with as we move forward. Forward and never backwards. Onto "immortality and eternal life!"

Keep the Faith!

2011-09-21T17:24:00.000-06:00

I'm not really sure why I cannot get better at being consistent in writing on this crazy blog thing. Know that I have thought about things to write. A Lot! It's just finding the time to sit and write. Then there's the whole "make it look cool" aspect (that all my friends that blog do so well) that I just never seem to get right! I'm thinking right now, we're just lucky that I'm finding a moment in my craziness to jot down a few of my many random thoughts!! And I'm just assuming that you're feeling it's a good thing that I've posted another random posting. I mean, you must want to read what I write or you wouldn't have even clicked on the link to be here!! (thanks, by the way!)

So recently, I had a very dear friend say her final goodbyes to me and all the people that she loves. It has been (and still is) a difficult time, to say the least. It has been a time for me to do a lot of pondering, praying, reading, and all that kind of stuff! On one of the last days that I had to spend visiting with my friend, I kept thinking about a specific scripture. It was something my Mission President use to say all the time. He never really said goodbye when he was done visiting with you. He would simply say, "Keep the Faith". I kept thinking about the scripture where this originated from and how Paul was saying that he had kept the faith after a long, difficult ministry. So I looked it up to see if it was really something that would be relevant (have you ever had a scripture come to your mind in relation to a situation, only to look it up and find that it isn't really what you were thinking it was? Well, I had to see if this would be one of those times). The scripture is in 2 Timothy chapter 4. Here's what I read:

For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:

Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.

Do thy diligence to come shortly unto me:

It fit this situation to a "T". My friend had indeed fought a good fight. She has battled kidney failure for many years. She endured two transplants that her body eventually rejected and a third transplant just wasn't in the plan for her. Over the years, I have had the privilege to witness her faith buoy her up. And not just her, but all those around her! She set the example for me to follow of one who is willing to keep the faith at all time, in all places and in all circumstances.

It was clear that she knew that her time to return Home had come--that the time of her departure was at hand. She accepted that without fear. Without anger. Without regrets. And it is a comfort to feel certain that truly a crown of righteousness awaits her. I hope that I can live my life so that when the time comes for my departure I can say with confidence that I have fought a good fight, that I have finished my course and that I have kept the faith!

As we read this scripture together~my friend, her husband, me and my husband and other friends that had gathered--the Spirit bore witness that she had indeed finished her course. All that she was to do had been done. It was her time to depart us here and return Home where she would find many more loved ones waiting for her. Including a son and a brother. Her husband ask that I design something that he could have hanging in his home with this scripture. Here is the result of his request (please excuse the watermark with my copyright).

I have had this printed up and will deliver the framed piece to my dear friend's husband tonight. I hope and pray that it can bring peace and hope to his heart and fill his soul with determination to fight the fight that lies ahead of him, to finish his course and keep the faith!!

May we all find it within us to

"Keep the Faith!"

The Circle of Life

2011-03-15T10:59:00.000-06:00

March 9, 2011 would've been my Dad's 90 birthday! He's been gone for just over 3 years now and I have missed him. I have often thought of advice that he would give me if he could as I have tried to make decisions using the wisdom that he helped me obtain over the years. My Dad was a good man, although at time a little misdirected. He always gave good advice. He was definitely not without his flaws--but none of us are! My Dad taught me to be true to what I professed to believe. He taught me that anything is possible with a lot of determination, hard work and faith in God. I miss my Dad and hope that the things I do will make him feel proud.

March 9th is also a day that one of my friends had her baby. It was a good day to have a baby! I was so happy when she told me that I could come to the hospital and take pictures for her. There is just something about a newborn baby that seems to put this crazy, chaotic world at peace--even if just for a moment. I created a slideshow with the images that I took, but for the life of me, cannot get it to load up here! If you're on Facebook and are my friend (or a fan of Merrill Design & Photography) you can see it there. Here are a few samples from the session. I hope that as you look at these, you will feel the peace that I felt as I worked with this new addition to our earth!

To every thing there is a season. . .

2010-09-22T11:02:00.000-06:00

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that
which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;"

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Roland always edges around the headstones every time we come to visit. It is one small thing that

he can do for those he loves so dearly.

Laurie's grave lies just next to this tree.

When we left Washington, 8 years ago, it was just planted.

Now it gives shade for me to sit under when I come and visit.

It is a nice addition to the area and offers an added tranquility that I appreciate.

"I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from the sorrow."
Jeremiah 31:13

It is never an easy thing to do--to visit the gravesite of one's child, mother, nephew, loved one. But it is something that must be done. I never come to this place that I do not leave with a tear-stained face and an increased feeling of peace. It is always a spiritual experience and God never fails to give me hope, perspective, strength. I find my heart filled with His love and His grace with each visit. How can I stay away? I cannot.

This day, as Roland and I tended to the headstone of our daughter and gave what little earthly service we could render, my heart broke as I considered that this is all we can do for her while here in this mortal life. I do not get to hug her after she has had a hard day at school, or help her with her homework, or pick her up after she has fallen. I do not get to help her pick out her new school supplies, or drive her to school when she has missed the bus. I do not get to do any of the many daily, mundane tasks that I am privileged to do for my other children. I can only come to her grave once a year and clean off her headstone.

But then the Spirit whispered to me, "Everything you do is for her. Every righteous choice. Every scripture studied. Every prayer offered. Every time I do something "right" . . . it is for her as well as for every one of my children."

How grateful I am for the Plan of Salvation. To know that this life is not all there is. That this life is designed to prepare me for something so beautiful and fabulous, I cannot even begin to comprehend it. I am grateful for the seasons that I have had in my life and continue to have. I am grateful for the experiences that have been for my good and have taught me how very much Heavenly Father loves me. Though I could never choose to have such trials, I am grateful for them and for the perspective that I have gained because of them.

With all my heart, I love and miss my sweet, sweet Laurie Ann. And with all my heart, I know I will hold her in my arms again.

Today's Senior Session

2010-08-05T23:01:00.002-06:00

I wanted to put up some images from today's Senior session. I think it's funny how last year I spent $1000+ on marketing and got very few sessions. This year, I spent $0 on marketing and am so busy I don't know what to do with myself! I have senior sessions everyday next week! Crazy! But, as usual, I'm having a blast!

Here's a few from today's session, Ryan. A very easy-to-photograph guy.

I Can't Help It. . .I'm Addicted!

2010-07-15T16:23:00.000-06:00

Here are some images from a recent Pre-Wedding shoot that I did. The wedding is on the 24th. We had such a fun shoot. Such a fun couple and so beautifully perfect together.

I really love this one. They are so in love! It's so fun to take pictures of two people who are so totally in love. You never have to be silly to get them to smile. They just have a constant smile on their face and a special glow that only two people in love can have!

This is my favorite of the bride by herself. It is so perfect and she is just so beautiful. Her sweet fiance couldn't stop smiling as he watched his perfect bride standing there looking so incredible!

Our goal was to get some nice sunset pictures. I think we succeeded. I feel like these are the perfect "Colorado Wedding" pictures!

THANK YOU, Jaci and David, for picking me to take these pictures for you. It was so fun and such a privilege to capture these moments. I cannot wait for your wedding day. I'm sure, however, I am not as excited as you two!

A Chapter From My Book in Progress. . .

2010-07-06T22:17:00.001-06:00

Love Will Pretty Much Overcome All

I have pretty much come to believe that love is what makes all things bearable. The love of our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ, is essentially why we are here. They love us and want us to have all that they have. There is a plan in place that gives us every opportunity to make it back to be with them and all our loved ones for eternity.

I have had a lot of little experiences in my life that has embedded this thought into my life--that love can overcome pretty much anything. Whenever we find ourselves not liking the situation that we’re in, we should stop focusing on the bad for a minute and think about how much we love our family, our friends, the Savior, etc. It will help to get the right perspective on the situation and then allow us to move forward with a renewed strength.

I remember once while on my mission in Japan, my companion and I were riding the bus back home after a long, unsuccessful day of knocking on doors. I looked around at all these Japanese people living in their own little world not caring about what I could share with them. Not wanting to listen and learn of the one thing that would bring them eternal joy; and I felt a little bit angry about it. Then a Children’s hymn came to my mind. As I sang it in my mind, my heart softened. "I am a child of God, and He has sent me here." Then I changed the words a little bit. "She is a child of God, and He has sent her here. . ." The anger left, my heart was suddenly filled with an overwhelming love for these beautiful people and I knew that God loved them. That He would take care of their needs. The spirit bore witness to my heart that not only does He love them but that He loves me, too. And that He will also take care of my needs. My desire to share the Gospel was renewed and I felt energized to do the Savior’s work.

Many years later I had another lesson in how love will help us overcome. I had a daughter going through her teenage years. Need I really say more?! She was in High School and struggling trying to figure out who she wanted to be. My husband and I were struggling trying to figure out how to make her be who we wanted her to be! One day she called me in the middle of the day--when she should've been in school. She had walked out of class angry and wasn't going back. Could I come get her. I dropped everything and went to get her. It was close to lunchtime so I asked her if she wanted to go to lunch. I had said a prayer on the way to get her. I asked for help because I didn't know what to say or do. The Spirit whispered to me, as it had done countless times before regarding how to deal with my children, "Just love her." We went to lunch and visited. We talked about what had happened at school. I just listened. After a bit she commented how grateful she was that I didn't get mad at her and didn't try to deliver a discourse on obedience. I leaned over the table, touched her hand and said to her that I knew she knew right from wrong. Her dad and I had taught her about choice and accountability. I knew that my time to teach her right from wrong was over. I told her the only thing I needed her to know right now is that I love her and that there is nothing she can ever do to change that. She can break my heart with the choices she makes but I will always love her. It is my belief that right then and there our relationship was forever changed. She could trust me to always love her and she knew it.

President Hinckley once said that the only time that there is no hope for our wayward children is when the parents lose hope. I would never lose hope. I knew that she had been taught and that sooner or later she would be just fine.

My Heavenly Father's unconditional love for me was what helped me to know that I could love her unconditionally also. I didn't have to tolerate her rebelliousness but I could continue to love her. There is a distinct difference. He does not tolerate my rebelliousness, for no unclean thing can enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. But I know that He loves me and is always ready to help me, strengthen me, guide me and insure that I succeed.

It is never easy to show forth an increase of love when what we really think needs to be given is a swift round of discipline. But we also must remember that the root word of discipline means to teach. And when we can teach with love, the message can be carried straight to the heart of the receiver. And resting there it can sink in deep and do its work. When we teach with the Spirit, the result is "love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith.” (See Galatians 5:22).

The basis of the whole Plan of Salvation is love. Because Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us, they provided a plan to help us do something we cannot do for ourselves. Jesus Christ made a great sacrifice for us. He paid for our sins. He overcame death. He gave this great gift with love. He set the perfect example of how to love everyone. He also commanded that we love one another (see John 15:17). He continually demonstrated His love by giving His sinless life as “a ransom for all,” making it possible for us to overcome our sins and return to Heaven. It is impossible to learn of Him, to study His parables, to be His disciple, without also knowing love.

Love came to earth and overcame death and sin. Love can emanate from us and overcome any other obstacle that may be placed before us!

Changes in Life. . .

2010-06-29T08:55:00.005-06:00

It has been so long since I last got onto this blog that I actually had to Google myself to find the blog! There is just something very wrong about that! Did you know that I am not the only "Patti's Ponderings" blog there is?! That kind of surprised me!

I thought about this blog this morning for no particular reason. But thinking about it gave me a desire to write something. I don't have a lot of followers, but that's ok. I guess I don't do a lot to "get" followers.

So what should I write that could make it worth the time that you, my humble, few "followers", are spending reading this!

I recently have undergone a pretty intense change in my life. I've been VERY slow to acknowledge it because I have been viewing it as a negative change. But today. . .just this very morning. . .I was enlightened. Maybe because I've been reading my scriptures more. Maybe because I've been praying more. Maybe because God just decided it was time to give me freedom from my own wrong-thinking. I don't know why, but I am coming to be able to accept these changes.

So what the "intense change" that I'm referring to? Well, you may already know (you just didn't know how hard it has been for me to accept). Last summer, I stopped doing my own photography business full-time and went to work for The Picture People. The Picture People is a portrait studio found in malls across the United States. I worked for them several years ago before I worked for Mikel-Gamber, Karen Rubin and myself. Last Spring/Summer, my phone stopped ringing for sessions and I got scared. I got hired back on with The Picture People as a Sr. Assistant Manager and just last month was promoted to be the Studio Manager. With that promotion came a raise. It is a good thing.

I know there are some in my circle of friends who would criticize me "as a photographer" for working for a chain company. Some would say that I've stooped to a new low. I want to say that they are wrong. It is different, yes, than what I did on my own, but I am still developing myself and I am still involved with something that I am very passionate about. This morning as I thought about it, I thought of something that I know about myself. And that is that I have been blessed with many talents. As I thought of that, I realized that it is important to utilize and develop those many talents. As a manager, I now have the opportunity to develop my talent of working with and developing others. To help them grow and be better. Yes, I have stepped away from the photography piece. Just like years ago, I stepped away from the violin piece. While I still play the violin, I don't teach. I will always be a violinist. But not on the same level that I once was. I will always be a photographer. But not on the same level that I once was. This is a good change and one that I am happy about. I truly feel that Heavenly Father has led me here and is so very kind to allow me the opportunity to develop yet another talent that He has given me.

Working for myself, I spent every waking minute building my business and managing my business. I didn't learn to balance my time very well. Perhaps I didn't stick with it long enough to get to where I could have a better balance. I am grateful for the time that I did have. I learned so much and had so much fun. Now, however, I can spend more time being a Mom, and friend, a wife, and so many other things that I also want to do. I have started to make more crafts that I've been wanting to do. I have started to write a book that I've wanted to write for years. I am able to sit and watch a television program with my husband and children and just relax.

Change is always bitter-sweet. This has been no different. But change in our life is inevitable. The sooner we accept it, the easier we make it on ourselves!

Neal A. Maxwell once said something about having faith in God means that we also have faith in His timing.

I believe that when we live our lives in such a fashion as to be able to receive His divine guidance then we can have faith and assurance that He is going to help us have experiences that will strengthen us, develop us and prepare us to return to Him.

I am so grateful for the changes that have occurred in my life. I am so grateful that He has helped me to understand and accept these changes.

Here's a few pictures I took this morning (just to prove to myself that I still take pictures)!

New Phone. . . New Problems

2010-03-08T21:35:00.002-07:00

So recently I got a new phone. My old phone, a Palm Treo, was getting quite old. But I really liked it. It was just having too many problems and the OS was becoming obsolete. So I upgraded to an iPhone. Which is actually what I'm using to post this. I have been really happy with it for the while 2 weeks that I've had it. Today though it started having wierd problems. So I feel like I've traded one set of problems for another set. Grrrrr.

It reminds me of how my mother-in-law would say getting a divorce to marry someone else is like trading in a used car for a different used car. It's just a whole new set of problems!

WOW!!!

2010-03-04T16:10:00.009-07:00

Has it REALLY been like 4 months since I last posted anything?!!! A sure sign that I have been too busy. I feel like time has just skipped ahead. I can't bring myself to admit that 4 months have passed by without me accounting for any of it. Sheesh!

I have definitely had some crazy things going on and some very wonderfully fun experiences too. Number 2 daughter decided to transfer colleges and on the first of January her Dad and I took her to her new school. . . .

She is having entirely too much fun while there and I wonder if she is getting any studying done at all. But I know that she's in a better place than where she was before. She is forming some wonderful friendships and NEVER complains about the weather!!

We also got to visit with one of Roland's good friends from his mission. Well, from "our" mission. They were never companions, but they were in the same apartment a couple of different times. It's nice to have a "local" to show you around.

One of my favorite things was going to a local Farmer's Market. We got to sample a lot of really yummy local food. Most of the vendors spoke Japanese. I felt a wierd nostalgia as we walked around, eating Japanese food, talking Japanese. I think I could live in Hawaii and be totally at home. I would, however, really miss being able to jump in the car and drive to the next state. . .or through 4 or 5 states to go see my loved ones in Washington! And I wouldn't like being stuck on an island with the Tsunami-warning sirens blaring with nowhere to really go to! (Sure grateful that everything worked out for Hawaii. Sending prayers out to the people of Chili).

I thoroughly enjoyed the week we spent in Hawaii. We saw turtles swimming in the water, we watched sunsets and sunrises, ate some of the best food, relaxed and soaked up all the sun we could to help us make it through the rest of the winter. Our family and friends in Colorado were dealing with subzero temperatures and we were hanging out on the beach making memories!

Digging for crabs.....Caught one!

Right before we went over there was a big surfing contest where the waves were 50+ feet high. Incredible. Up on the North Shore a lot of the beaches were closed due to high waves. It was awesome to me to stand there and watch these huge waves. The power of God. . .amazing. I felt very small and insignificant. Yet, in my heart I know that I am not insignificant at all. I stood there recognizing His power and feeling His love fill my heart. It was cool

I think my favorite images that I was able to get are of the sunrises and sunsets that we saw. The following sunrise pictures were taken from Hau'ula. It was one of the most peaceful mornings I've had for a long time. Beautiful. Such an artist, our Heavenly Father!

There are so many more pictures that I wish I could share. We had such a wonderful experience. Although this isn't the first time we've been to Hawaii, I feel like I saw it through new eyes. Last time we went, I was pregnant with Kyle. I wasn't so into the whole "I'm a photographer" thing and I missed so much of the beauty because I hadn't learned to see it yet. I'm so grateful for all the experiences I have had in the past 10 years that have helped me to be more sensitive to God's beauty and love and whisperings. My testimony of Him was increased as I spent time admiring His work and felt keenly of His love for me as an individual and for all of His children. It is a marvelous thing to behold!

Thanks for reading and looking and indulging my ego.

If, by chance, you would like to see more pictures just let me know. Also, know that any of my scenic pictures can be made in to fine art prints, bookmarks, greeting cards and other things like that. Just let me know if you're interested.

Smiles and hugs to you. . . . Patti

A Rejuvenating Day

2009-11-20T00:03:00.003-07:00

Today I went to the temple after a 4-month unwanted (and completely unwelcomed) hiatus. I’ve been feeling myself needing to go for quite awhile, but have not gone due to my work schedule and crazy, busy life that I’ve had since starting working at The Picture People back in August. Although I am grateful for the job and appreciate that they hired me back on, I am already feeling that it is not where I belong long-term. I have to work too many nights and too many Sundays. And although even one Sunday a month would be “too many” I’m currently suppose to work 2 a month. So 50% of the time, I don’t get to go to Church. Add that to not teaching Seminary, not going to the temple weekly, slacking on my scripture study and prayers, not getting my Visiting Teaching done, and the list could actually go on and on. . .I have been in somewhat of a downward spiral these last few months as far as my spirituality goes. And it has had me feeling very concerned. I am not the same person I was 6 months ago and I do not like who I am becoming. I feel an old, familiar but undesirable, rebellious nature being brought back to the surface. I have felt quite frustrated a lot lately and feel an internal fight going on as I try to come to terms with where I am at and what I am responsible for.

Tuesday, I was feeling pretty down about everything. I had been thinking about the branch balanced on the rocks a lot. And I contemplated what it is that I need to do differently so that I could, once again, be balanced. I did a simple checklist with the basic Seminary answers. To be “balanced on the Rock” one must read the scriptures, pray, attend Church meetings, serve, be obedient to qualify for the Holy Ghost’s protection and guidance. As I pondered this list, I was embarrassed and humbled to see the glaring reality. No wonder my spirituality was suffering. I was struggling in every area.

During this time of frustration for me, my dear friend Lynn called. I felt bad because I’m sure she called to share something from her life and I turned the call into something completely about me. I shared my frustrations. My concerns. And I also think I scared her some because I was, at the time, feeling pretty apathetic towards making things better. She gave me some firm, but loving, advice to do the things that I knew I should do. She also reminded me of a talk from the most recent General Conference that I should read called "Preserving the Heart's Mighty Change". I read it and knew immediately that she was inspired to tell me about it. It was exactly what I needed. I’ve read it like 5 times since Tuesday! And it gives me hope, encouragement and strength. Here's a link to the talk: http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1117-31,00.html

The temple today gave me a spiritual rejuvenation that I so needed. I felt the Lord’s love for me and I was given answers to my prayers. Which, really, just sort of amazes me. How quick He is to come running to my rescue. Even before the words can be formed and leave my lips, the Savior is there to hear me and to respond to me. Before I am fully aware of the cliff that I am about to fall over, He is standing at ready to catch me and save me from my demise! I am so unworthy. Yet He is there. I have such a rebellious nature sometimes and yet, He loves me. He believes in me. He saves me. How can I ever be worthy of all He gives?!

I am so grateful for the time I spent in the temple today. I know that there are many things I must do to bring myself back to where I need to and want to be spiritually. I received some wonderful gifts today. I went into the session asking for strength, courage and wisdom. I came away with all of the above.

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me!!!

Changes, Trials, and Rocks!

2009-11-15T20:42:00.006-07:00

I have been going through a lot of changes in my life lately. Changes that, for me, are good, but hard. Needful, but painful. Changes that are causing me to really find out who I am and what I'm made of. Trials in life are an interesting thing. I have always understood that they are necessary in order to progress in life. Today in Church we discussed momentarily about the sin of being idle: what it is and why it is bad. I thought how when a car sits idle, it's not going anywhere. In our life, we definitely want to be going somewhere! Sitting idle just wastes gas and doesn't do anyone any good!

Well, I can without reservation state that I have not been idle in my life this past little while! In fact, I have been too busy. So busy that I do not feel like I am accomplishing anything that I need to! Although I have decided to "close down" my business, I am still taking on new projects. That added to working 40 hours at my job. . .I work more than ever and am available for my family less than ever.

I am learning in a painful way the dangers of being too busy. I have found that I don't make time lately for all the really important things in life. While our bills are getting paid, there is so much that goes undone. I have felt my own personal spirituality slip to a level that I am definitely not comfortable with. I miss teaching Seminary. I miss going to temple every week. I miss having time to ponder the scriptures, to hear the promptings of the Spirit guiding me.

I need to figure out how to get back to such a place in my life. How do people balance it all?! How do I make it all work and be everything for everyone that needs me?! I feel very conflicted these days.

As I think and ponder on these thoughts, I am always brought back to an experience that I had a couple of years ago. I was going on a hike with a friend. We walked by a river. As I walked along the path, watching the water, I thought of how much water represents. For me, it is a source of fear, grief and anger. Yet at the same time, I think of how water represents life. Even eternal life. It represents the cleansing process. I, however, got stuck on how the water represented trials. It was Springtime and the water was high and moving fast. I thought of how easy it would be to get caught up in the water and be rushed away, out of control. I felt overwhelmed as I thought of how, in life sometimes it is the same. We get caught up in everything and before we know it, everything seems out of control (much like I feel now).

As I continued on the path, it wasn't long before I came upon a scene that made me stop and re-evaluate everything. I thought to myself how there was a definite lesson in what I was seeing. What I saw was an group of rocks in the middle of the river with the raging water splashing all around. And on top of the biggest rock was a branch. Balanced perfectly. It was getting splashed on by the water, but it remained balanced on the rock. With the river raging all around, it seemed that the branch denied the river the satisfaction of washing it away. Instead, it sat in peace and safety. . .on the Rock! I felt a great peace come over me as I realized the lesson.

It is a simple lesson, yet the principle is so profound. It works EVERY time. We must balance our lives on the Rock of Salvation: even Jesus Christ. He is there for us. We must balance everything upon Him and then we will have peace amidst the turmoil.

See? Simple! So if it is so "simple", why do I struggle so? If I understand and believe the principle, why do I still find my life out of balance so often? Sometimes, making the balance actually work takes time, practice, and tenacity. I know that I will find balance again. And I know that when I do, I will be so much the better person. Experience is a wonderful thing. I look forward to being able to look back on this time in my life and feel gratitude for the lessons I've learned. For now, I'm making a list of all that I need to do differently so that I am balanced properly!

A final thought: "And now. . .remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall. " Helaman 5:12

PS - In case you're wondering if I had my camera with me that day, the answer is "of course!" The image of the branch balanced on the rocks hangs in my office as a constant reminder of what I am striving for. I didn't post it here because the image file is on my hard drive at the office and I am at home tonight.

2009-10-27T20:55:00.002-06:00

I spent the day at a gymnastics school playing with a bunch of little kids. The instructor had them all dress up in their halloween costumes and I was there to take pictures of them all. It is one of the best things I get to do! Malory went with me today. She is such a fun daughter to have around. I think she may have had as much fun as the adorable little preschoolers! I get to go again on Thursday and Friday.

It is quite dangerous, actually, for me to do such activities though. It makes me want to go back to doing my own thing full-time. Yet, I know that this isn't the time for that. Yet, that is so hard to stay committed to! I truly hate working retail hours. Maybe hate is too strong of a word to use. . . No! Actually it isn't. But I suppose it's good that I hate it so much. I don't think I will get complacent where I am at. I will always be trying to find a way to move on and have control of my life back again. Just don't tell my district manager that.

I read a really great quote this morning that I want to share. It's from a guy named Wayne Dyer. He is an author. He says,

"You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear. Do it! Develop an appreciation for the present moment. Seize every second of your life and savor it. Value your present moments. Using them up in any self-defeating ways means you've lost them forever."

I really appreciate this because I am one who definitely has a problem with being self-defeating. Even to admit that is a HUGE step for me. A few close friends know this about me. They know my hopes, dreams, aspirations and know that I can succeed. But I don't know it. And it scares me into not doing anything. Do you ever find that to be true about yourself? Please tell me I'm not the only one who has this problem? What do you do to overcome it? How have you pushed past the paralyzing fear to do something that you REALLY want to do?! I need some great advice here, so pour it on me!!!

Honey, Onion, Licorice and Elderberry syrup. . . .

2009-10-12T21:04:00.003-06:00

My Herbs/Medicine

I think I have the flu. I am not willing to say that it's the "swine" flu, but they say here in Colorado it's really the only strain that's going around. I thought I was feeling better earlier today, but now I am feeling quite yucky.

I am so grateful for my good friend, Robyn, who knows a lot about herbs. She made me up some cough syrup from honey, onion, licorice and other "unknown-to-me" herbs. Helps my coughs to be more productive. She also gave me some elderberry syrup to help clear my lungs and sinuses. I'm also taking some "composition herb" capsules for my immune system. The whole herbal thing is pretty cool. I tell my friend all the time that if the time comes that we have to travel long distances without "modern conveniences" I want to travel with them for sure!

Makes me wonder. . .who would you travel with if you had to? What are your thoughts on herbs versus medicine?

And a favor. . .pray that Roland doesn't get this yucky crud!!!

A New Season

2009-10-11T21:20:00.002-06:00

I have been very neglectful when it comes to this silly little blog. I actually completely forgot about it for a little bit as I dealt with "life". It's crazy how life seems to just take over and everything that we want to do just gets put onto the back burner for awhile. It's crazy, for sure!

The summer swept by and we are in the midst of a very cold Fall already. Colorado has seen it's first snow, much to my disappointment. And just as the season has changed, so too has much in my life. Again, much to my disappointment!

In a nutshell, I am in the process of "closing" down my studio. I have gone to work full-time (plus) for another portrait company. It is a good thing. . .and not. I am still trying to convince myself that I didn't "fail" as a photographer. . .I'm just moving on. The main reason I have changed directions is because I found myself being too involved with my business and not involved enough with my family. I realized that I really loved being at the studio, working and that I wasn't really enjoying being at home with my family. I recognized the error in my thinking, but didn't know how to change anything. On the one hand, I felt grateful that I enjoyed my work so much, but I also kept thinking about something David O McKay once said about how success outside the home cannot compensate for failure within. I decided to pray about it and ask for help. It didn't take long for things to change and I soon found myself with very little work to do. It took me all summer to recognize it, but finally I realized that this was probably an answer to my prayer. Just not the answer I had hoped for! It was time for me to change gears and put more focus on being a mom. I applied for a management position at The Picture People and was hired almost immediately. It's not my ideal place to be, but the bills are getting paid and I get to be home with the kids more and be "mom" more.

I still have aspirations to do other things and continue to try to figure out how to do what I want to do. It's a battle with my self-confidence. There seems to be a constant battle trying to figure out what I'm suppose to do, what I need to do and what I want to do and how all these fit together--if they even do fit together!

Times and seasons. Always changing. Always learning.

Too Much To Blog

2009-07-08T10:56:00.002-06:00

It's been way too long since I posted anything. It's been a crazy time in my life. Since I last blogged my daughter got married, my husband was in and out of the hospital and I've had to face some sobering truths regrading the economy and it's impact on my service-based business!

Suffice it to say that I have come closer to my Heavenly Father in the past 2 months than I ever knew possible. I have come to know how much He loves me. How willing He is to support me in the midst of my trials.

One experience I had during this time I will share. We've been having a very wet season here in Colorado. A little unusual for us. Every afternoon it was storming. A lot of rain. It really is welcomed because we've been in a drought for several years. I was thinking about how a lot of people were complaining about the rain though. For me, however, I was loving it. I love the rain. I love how it seems to clean everything around me up. I was out driving in the rain one afternoon and thinking how much I loved how everything around me was so green and alive. Then I thought of the "storm" that I was in the middle of. My life. My burdens that, at the moment, seemed so overwhelming. I was fearful for my future. For the future of my family. And somehow the two things connected. Although it was raining outside, I was able to see the beauty that the rain brought. I realized that I needed to focus on the beauty that my trials would bring. And then I felt it. The love of my Heavenly Father. He bouyed me up. The circumstances that I was in did not change, but my focus did.

I have learned that there is a law of opposition in play. I have learned that the deeper the trials that we are asked to bear, the closer Heavenly Father can pull us closer to Him. At one point a friend said that she wished that she could remove the trial from me. I told her to not wish for that. It is through such difficulties that I have come closer to God. That I have been able to feel Him and His angels bear me up. I would not trade that for anything!

I do not ask for trials. I do not go seeking for them. But I am profoundly grateful for the experiences! If we didn't have trials, why would we petition our God for His Grace? If we didn't petition for His Grace, how could we know--truly KNOW--that He is there for us, that He loves us, that we are His child and that He will not leave us alone. These things I know and I am so grateful to know it!

Springtime is my Favorite!

2009-05-13T17:14:00.006-06:00

Whenever I am asked what my favorite season is I always answer without hesitation, Spring! I love Springtime! This picture was taken today in my backyard. We have a Robin's nest in a little tree off our deck. Yesterday there was only one egg. Today, two.

HAPPY SPRING!!!

My new favorite song

2009-05-08T09:26:00.007-06:00

I bought a new cd this week. It's become something of a tradition for me to go to Deseret Book after being at the temple and buy a "treat" for myself. This week I picked up Hilary Week's new cd, If I Only Had Today. Something about it just "looked" like it'd be what I needed. The photography on the insert is awesome. Makes me want to find a pianist and take her into some beautiful meadow with her piano. . .well, maybe I'll find a violinist!!!

Anyway, I listened to it yesterday and there's a song called, "Just Let Me Cry" that has immediately wrapped itself around my heart. I can't figure out how to get it on here for you to listen to, but if you go to Hilary's website you can listen to a little snipit there. Just click here to listen (btw, the entire album is awesome! You should get it. . .money well spent for sure!)

Here's the lyrics. And can I just say that it is EXACTLY what I needed this week. I've been caught up in worrying about being so emotional about something that is so far in the past. . .yet still such a constant source of pain. I worry about how my emotions will affect those around me. I don't want to appear weak or unstable in my faith. I don't want to make other feel uncomfortable when I display moments of emotion. Anyway. . .here's the lyrics.

I believe that everything happens for a reason
We're not just tossed by the wind or left in the hands of fate
But sometimes life sends a storm that's unexpected
And we're forced to face our deepest pain

When I feel the heartache begin to pull me under
I dig my heels in deep and I fight to keep my ground
Still at times the hurt inside grows stronger
And there's nothing I can do but let it out

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

When I agreed that God could put this heart inside me
I understood that there would be a chance that it would break
But I know He knows exactly how I'm feeling
And I know in time He'll take the pain away
But for now

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

I have felt joy the kind that makes my heart want to sing
And so my tears are not a surrender
I'll feel that way again
But for now
For this moment

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

Thank you, Hilary Weeks, for writing such a perfect song for me!

Happy Birthday Laurie Ann

2009-05-06T19:33:00.010-06:00

Today, May 6th is my daughter Laurie Ann's birthday. She would be 16 today. Here are a few pictures of her.

This is in Washington in our front yard. I loved the Azalea bushes that were there and so did Laurie Ann. She loved flowers. And bugs. Anything to do with nature!

Easter, 1995. Laurie left us on May 31st, 1995.

With Grandpa Grant in Colorado. Grandpa loved to garden and Laurie loved to harvest! They made a good team! I like to imagine that they get to enjoy lots of time together now!

I love this picture because it shows how light her eyes were.

The blanket really belonged to Erika. But Laurie bonded with it and Erika let her have it. It was Laurie's prized possession!

This was taken in Colorado. I love the love that is evident in this picture!

Water fun! (love that Laurie didn't have a diaper on! Cute little butt cheeks!)

The girls loved to play outside together (this is in Washington)

(just a few more. . .although I have a LOT more that i could share.)

Christmas 1994 (I love this pic)

Laurie's birthday is May 6th. Here she is turning 2. We celebrated Carlie's and Laurie's birthdays together (Carlie's is May 5th). 25 days later (on May 31st) . . .Laurie left us.

Here's the birthday girls! Laurie LOVED her cake!!! Ask Carlie about the cat. It's a VERY funny story!

Carlie and Laurie having fun in the forest.

Thanks for looking. It's emotional for me, but also very therapeutic to be able to share. So thanks for helping me "heal"!!

Paul's Epistle to the Phillipians, Conclusion

2009-05-06T19:06:00.002-06:00

I have been so busy that I neglected to conclude this little series on Paul's letter to the Phillippians. Sorry about that! There are just a few more points that I wanted to bring out.

In chapter 4, verse 11 of Phillippians, Paul says, "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."

I think this is a great challenge for our world, our families, us individually. To learn to be content in every situation. not that we don't set goals and strive for better, but that we don't whine & complain about everything! We should count our blessings and be grateful for what we do have. It is so easy to see the negative side of everything. But everything also has a positive side. We must train ourselves to be content in "whatsoever state" we are in! In verse 6, Paul basically teaches us that we shouldn't be overly concerned about anything! President Hinckley taught this very well by his example. He always believed that everything would work out. . .one way or another, everything will be ok.

Verse 12 of chapter 4: "I know both how to be abased and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need." Paul had learned how to be humble and accept difficult circumstances as well as how to be humble and receive of the Lord's abundance!

The last great thing that I want to touch upon here is that we can do anything because we are strengthened by Christ. Chapter 4, verse 13, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." What a GREAT thing! I am reminded of a talk from our recent Stake Conference. The speaker said that the best way to get strength in the midst of our trials is through our faith in Jesus Christ. He and He alone can give us the strength to accomplish, to succeed, to come off conquerer! I know this to be true. I know He can and will help us through whatever we must pass through. He will help us endure through all that we must live with. He loves us just that much. He wants to have us back to live with Him again.

How grateful I am for our scriptures. For the Apostle Paul. For his teachings, his example, his willingness to be so much for so many. I am so grateful for the Gospel. For all that I am given daily. I want to stay the course! I want to keep the faith! I want to finish the race!

Paul's Epistle to the Phillippians, III

2009-04-25T17:54:00.002-06:00

So the next thing that I want to point out that Paul teaches is that we should forget the trials of the past and press forward to the future. He says, "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

I don't think that "forgetting those things which are behind" means we abandon the lessons learned but rather that we don't continue to suffer and stir up past trials. Some trials, we pass through. Gain the strength, learn the lessons, and move on! There are, for certain, going to be more trilas to pass through! There are also some trials which we must learn to live with. These, I believe, we must allow to grow with us though. These type of trials attempt to define us. While such trials for me have, in my mind, defined what type of person I am, I don't want to be known for "the one ______" (fill in the blank for whatever trial(s) I am having to live with)! Does that make sense?!

My "BIG" trials (Laurie Ann's death, Roland's illness, there's others but they don't need to be listed). . .these things for me have shaped me, refined me, helped me to be spiritually stronger, enabled me to become more reliant upon my Savior. I don't want, however, for everyone who knows me to say, "Oh, that's Patti Merrill. The one who's daughter died" or "who's husband is so sick". It's ok that people know these things about me, but I don't want that to be what defines me. If you looked up "Patti Merrill" in the dictionary, I don't want my trials to be listed!!! Rather, I would want things like faithful, valiant, kind, loving, compassionate, etc.

(Ok, anyone out there reading this?!!! Share with me your thoughts on these things. How do you feel about what Paul's teachings teach us? Give me your perspective on the whole enduring our trials thing!)

Paul's Epistle to the Phillippians, II

2009-04-24T21:04:00.003-06:00

(This is a multi-part post. It will take several days for me to put everything. I understand if you don't read it all. It's just my ramblings regarding what I learned from the epistle of Paul to the Phillippians.)

The next thing Paul teaches by his attitude is that through our sufferings, we can aid in our own salvation. In verse 19, chapter 1 he says, "For I know that this shall turn to my salvation through your prayer, and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ."

If we endure our trials, our hardships, our sufferings well we will enjoy many great blessings. Even all that "salvation" encompasses.

D&C 136:31 (which by the way, I was looking for a different D&C scripture but came upon this one which is so perfect) says that we "must be tried in all things, that [we]may be prepared to receive the glory that [God has] for [us], even the glory of Zion; and he that will not bear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom."

There are many scriptures in the D&C that teach if we endure our afflictions well, we will be blessed. The one I was thinking of before I found the one above is where the Lord comforted Joseph Smith while he was in the middle of a huge trial. It is D&C 121 starting in verse 7

"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes."

As we pass through this mortal existence, it is requisite that we experience grief, sin, pain, temptations, sickness and other things that will try us. These things are meant to aid in our salvation. And as we recognize this, I truly believe, it will strengthen us. Can we remember (and when I say "we" I really mean "I") this in the middle of our trials?! Can we have such clarity?! If we can then it will certainly help us to "endure it well". Knowing that there is purpose. REAL purpose.

I think, also, that it is paramount that we always remember that it is because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ that we can even have a hope for salvation. We must always remember that he went forth, "suffering pains and afflictions and temptation of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." (Alma 7:11-12)

Which leads me to the next thing Paul teaches us. Phillippians 3:10 says "That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death." Paul teaches us that through our experiences in life we can come to know Christ and the power of the resurrection.

I think that as we struggle and suffer even some of the same types of things that Jesus suffered for us--sickness, pains, afflictions, temptations, etc--that we can have a greater sense of gratitude. For, while what we suffer is difficult, it is our pains alone. The Savior's suffering was for all the inhabitants of the world! Such great love. Such great mercy! To borrow a line from one of my all-time favorite hymns, "I stand all amazed!"

Paul's Epistle to the Phillippians, I

2009-04-23T18:22:00.002-06:00

We had a really good lesson in Seminary last week. I truly enjoy teaching Seminary! I love feeling the Spirit as I bear testimony and teach Gospel truths. This particular lesson, however, was especially meaningful to me.

We were covering Paul's letter to the Phillippians. It's a short little book in the New Testament, but as I studied it enough to teach it, I discovered some wonderful things that will probably help me for many years to come. I find myself wanting to be more like Paul. He was steady in the midst of his trials.

When Paul wrote this letter to the Phillippians, he was in a Roman prison. He was put there for preaching the gospel! What kind of justice is that?! Here he is, doing the right thing and how is he rewarded?! It seems that he could've been spared such treatment. That God would've protected him and helped him. He'd done it before. . .He has the power. Yet, He allowed Paul to be put into jail. To suffer many great hardships.

Paul's attitude as he endured these hardships shines through as he wrote this epistle. He does not question why. He does not whine and complain or get angry (all of which I often do in the midst of my own trials). Rather, he expresses his total faith and willingness to endure.

In verse 12 of the first chapter he says, "But I would ye should understand, brethren, that the things which happened unto me have fallen out rather unto the furtherance of the gospel." In other words, he is saying that because of the things that have happened to him, the gospel has moved forward. Others have been brought closer to the Savior.

This causes me to reflect on my own life. I ask myself, "have the things which have happened to me, the way that I've dealt with my trials, my attitude, my example. . .has it helped anyone else come closer to our Savior?

I feel like I can answer in the affirmative. I also, however, fear that I haven't always been as faithful, as valiant as I could've been. How differently, how much better trials and hardships can be endured if we have the attitude of bringing others closer to the Savior because of what we are experiencing. To glorify God in all things. I love this example from Paul. It is so powerful!

(to be continued. . .)

Bad Blogger!

2009-03-28T21:57:00.002-06:00

So I've come to the realization that I am just not cut out for being a blogger! I mean, really. . .once a month?! What am I thinking?!!!! Although I do enjoy the whole blogging experience, it is so ridiculously absurd for me to think that I can find the time to write about all the things I experience in a day in a cute, attention-holding manner so that all my cyber-friends and family out there can giggle, ooh and/or aaah their way through my life!! (sigh)

Once a month. It seems to be about all I can handle! And really, how do I sum up a month's worth of happenings, ponderings, silliness, retardness in a simple little blog! It is simply not even possible. At least not for me anyway.

I do want to share something that I learned recently though. It's pretty profound really and it makes me really want to be a better person. Not just sometimes. . .but always.

I think first, I need to share a little secret of mine. It is that I don't always want to do what I know I should. Sometimes I feel like it is ok to be just a little bit rebellious. To be just a little bit not 100% obedient. I know. . .it's rotten of me! I am probably the ONLY person I know that feels like this! Right?! Anyway. . .I feel like lately it's more of a struggle than it used to be to want to do what I should. I find myself over and over before tempted by things that haven't tempted me for, literally, years!

Last Wednesday I went to the temple (I go every Wednesday, 9:30 am session) and I traditionally go to Deseret Book afterwards. . .just because. Usually I don't buy anything but I find myself getting inspired just looking around. This day, however, I was looking for something to help me feel stronger. To help me feel like I could overcome these crazy feelings I'd been having. I looked at several books. . .all of which I wished I could buy. But I knew that I probably woudn't have the time to actually READ anything! So I started to look at the CD's. I picked up a Book on CD by C. Max Caldwell called Power From on High. I started listening to it. There are many things that have helped me and given me reason to feel better about myself. One thing that I heard today though has really impacted me and I hope that by sharing it, someone else will benefit also.

Ezra Taft Benson is quoted by Brother Caldwell and said, "When obedience ceases to be an irritant and becomes our quest, in that moment, God will endow us with power." What a great principle! To know that as we strive to be obedient God will give us the power we need to be obedient! All things are possible with the Lord! It is because of Him that we can succeed.

I am so very grateful to know that God will help me. By myself, I am so weak and will always fall short of what is needed. But with Him I am strong and can achieve all things.

Here's a picture and a good quote. Not necessarily related to the above post, but what do you expect from someone who only blogs once a month and then rambles on and on and on and on. . .

Officially "Cool"

2009-02-28T20:35:00.005-07:00

So I was informed today by my sweet 5-year old daughter that I am "cool". I am always striving to be seen as "cool" in the eyes of my children, you know. It's something that, at my age, I don't hear from my children very much. Usually they are letting me know that I'm NOT cool, that I'm soooo old-fashioned, or don't know how it is anymore. It's not a fun thing to be told by my children how completely out-of-touch I am with their world now! So, as you could imagine, when one of my children told me today that I'm cool, I had to get more details!

The conversation went something kind of like this:

Lindsay: Mom, you're so cool!
Me: Wow! Really! Thank you! Um. . . why am I cool?
Lindsay: Because you can fit a whole piece of bacon in your mouth in one bite!!!
Me: Wow! Really?! Um. . .cool!

So, now you know what you have to be able to do in order to be considered "cool" by your kids these days!! And, just so you do it right, when I cook our bacon, I cut the pieces in half before cooking them. So really, you only need to fit a HALF of a piece of bacon in your mouth in one bite!!! Good luck! It's a real feat to be seen as "cool" by your kids! I'm so glad that I successfully accomplished it!!!

Time for some Retro-action!

2009-02-23T12:06:00.002-07:00

So I was running around, doing some errands this morning and in the mood for some good, soul-stirring music. I pushed the buttons on my radio to the usual stations and couldn't find anything that seemed to fit my mood. I needed something to just get me going. . .ready for the day. . .something fun, upbeat and um. . . ."just right"! I finally pushed the button that Roland likes. It's a station that plays "whatever they want" and you can often hear some older music. I don't usually like to listen to the older music from my younger (aka wilder) years. However. . .there was a song playing that was pretty much my FAVORITE song when I was in college. By a group called INXS. Anyone know of them? Anyway, I cranked the radio up louder than I ever have it and just soaked in the moment! Wisked away to another time (longer ago than I really want to be reminded) about 25 years ago (ouch--that was a long time ago! Can I really be that old?!) It was fun! It was just what I needed I guess because it set the tone for the rest of the day and I have just felt good all day!

Maybe it's reflecting on my past and realizing how far I've come that makes me feel good? Maybe it's remembering how much fun I had then and helping me "lighten up" and remember to have fun again. Life sometimes gets sooooo overwhelming and I get so bogged down with all the stresses and unwanted necessities.

So, I thought I'd put together a playlist of some of my favorite songs that I listened to so long ago and give you a little glimpse into what I liked. I feel like music says so much about a person. Please understand. . .there are some songs that, although I've put them on the playlist, don't reflect who I am NOW but rather THEN!!!! Some of them I am embarressed to have on here. Some songs that I remembered listening to did not make the cut this time. WAAAY too much not who am I anymore!!!

Anyway, have fun listening. I'm going to go to my Mom's later and find some pictures of me from that era. Now THAT will be fun!!!!

Pretty in Pink

2009-02-18T18:28:00.006-07:00

Her name may not be Caroline, but she certainly was Pretty in Pink!!!

This sweet little girl was so fun to photograph! She was all smiles and posed like a pro! We had lots of fun pink props for her to play with and she enjoyed every minute of the session, as did I! Definitely, the most fun I've had all month!!!!

Thumbwars

2009-02-18T08:40:00.006-07:00

On Wednesdays, Carlie usually has a late-start at her school. Most weeks, she goes back to bed after Seminary for a nap. Sometimes she stays up and helps me get the little kids ready for school. This morning was one of those mornings. I love it when she helps because things go so much smoother for me and I can get things taken care of without feeling like I want to scream at the whole world!

I caught this picture while they were playing thumbwars. Lucas' smile is enough to make my whole day worth whatever might happen!

Lindsay wanted in on the action, but not in the way you might think. She wanted the camera! So this picture comes to you courtesy of Lindsay!

Some mornings are better than others and some are plain and simply given to us to enjoy and cherish!

Love these kids of mine!!!

Ticklefest

2009-02-17T22:30:00.003-07:00

Today's best moment was early in the morning when Lucas woke up before anyone else (except me) and snuggled with me on the couch for a bit. Then it turned into a kissing contest. This was something like a "gotcha last" game (or tag if you've never heard of "gotcha last"). He would try to kiss me and get far enough away before I could kiss him back. He couldn't win. Everytime he kissed me, I kissed him back before he could pull back far enough. Of course, I was holding him pretty close and tight too! Then he thought he'd give me a "kiss attack" and get ahead of me on how many kisses he'd given for every one I'd given. I kiss attacked him back. It was so fun to play with him. Lucas has the best laugh and it is so contagious! In fact, our laughing and carrying on soon woke Lindsay and she had to join in the fun. I had no chance of winning a gotcha last kissing game with both of them, so I changed it to a ticklefest. We laughed until our sides hurt. Then Lucas accidently snorted and we laughed more! He couldn't stop snorting. And then he wouldn't stop snorting! Once he realized that it was a way to get me to laugh, he snorted and snorted until we were all snorting!!!

I love days when I can just relish in the joy of being "mom". There is nothing that brings me more pure joy than spending such moments with my children.

Facebook Delimma

2009-02-16T21:41:00.000-07:00

So I'm starting this here blog because I am pretty much thinking that I should shut down my Facebook. Which is really a sad thing to me because I really like how I am able to keep in touch with a lot of people who I care about via Facebook. I have been able to reconnect to some very special people in my life who, because of time and distance, I had lost touch with. I wonder how many of those people will keep in touch with me via e-mail, blogging, and other means of communication. Wow! Maybe some of them will even call me on the phone more often!!!

I wonder if I just pull all my pictures off of Facebook and post them on this new blog. . .then I could maybe taper myself off of Facebook slowly. . .kind of like some drug that I've become helplessly addicted to! Augh! I think this really stinks. Anyone else out there think that this stinks?!

Well. . .(sigh). Just what I need to occupy what little extra time I have. A blog! It does give me a chance to find my voice and write more though. I do love to write. The concern is, is there anyone out there that wants to READ what I write!!!!