Over-Thinking

Earlier tonight, I found myself wanting to do a status update on Facebook that would describe some of what I was feeling at the moment. As I searched for the right words and began to type, I found myself deleting the words and starting over. After the third time, I gave up and decided not to post anything of any real significance after all. In fact, I simply stated to all my Facebook-world friends that I had started and erased my status update three times! The response I got was a little unexpected and caused me to wonder if I should have just posted my original thought in the first place. As I started to explain myself on a public forum, I decided that maybe here would be a better venue. Much less attention given here and a more selective audience who I know won't roll their eyes and scoff at my thoughts. I mean, if you're reading this, it is because you chose to come to this particular site and read my random thoughts. You had some amount of understanding of what you were getting yourself into! Whereas on Facebook, it just shows up in front of your face whether you really wanted to read it or not!!!

So what did I want to post on Facebook that never made it there? You can only continue to read if you promise not to roll your eyes! (Or at least don't tell me that you rolled your eyes!)

I just wanted to say how sometimes, when I contemplate my life, how giddy it makes me feel inside. To realize simply that Heavenly Father knows and loves me! I think about people in our society who society has deemed as "important". And many of them truly are important. But they don't know me or really care about me as an individual. But Heavenly Father...He knows me! And he LOVES me!! And It fills me with all kinds of wonderful feelings to know this. So much so that sometimes I just want to announce it to everyone I know! And I want with all my heart for everyone I know to also be able to know this for themselves. But I am so limited and flawed and selfish. And I fall very short when it comes to doing my part. Yet--HE STILL LOVES ME ANYWAY!! It's so amazing! It's so humbling. It's so motivating! 

And why, you may wonder, would I not put that on Facebook? Don't judge. . .or don't keep reading! I don't want someone who doesn't know this for themselves to feel like I think I'm better than they are. Or feel badly and get discouraged. I don't want someone to feel like I'm trying to be all preachy and stop wanting to be my "friend." 

I know that I'm kind of a "one-track-mind" kind of person. I tend to get fixated on things. I tend to see everything in my life through whatever spectacles I am wearing at the time. And right now in my life, I am pretty fixated on spiritual, gospel related things. It sometimes drives my kids crazy. But truth is, when I'm fixated on something, it is very personal to me. I don't want to put such things "out there" to be judged and scoffed. But here, on my little blog that only a few ever read, I feel safe. So--Thank you for reading this. Thank you for not judging or scoffing! Thank you for choosing to read my random and often non-sensical thoughts!

It's good to have good friends! ;-)

People Watching and Recurring Lessons!

I had a moment of clarity today that has stayed with me. I had a moment where I was just sitting and watching people around me. I have always liked to sit and observe others. People are fascinating! As I was observing everyone, I felt like I could see everyone's flaws. People seemed to be broken, sad, and troubled. I felt like I could feel their longing to be accepted, loved and needed. I became keenly aware how much I was just like them as I contemplated my own mortal state and my many weaknesses and insecurities. Then, in an instant it seemed, I was filled with the knowledge that each and everyone of us are known and loved by our Heavenly Father. And I felt so strongly the truth that each and every one of us, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, can be perfected. We can be mended, given joy and peace and whatever we need to overcome! Eternal Life is the promise. It is what God intends to give us if we will have it. 

As I think about this more, I feel deeply the importance of loving and not judging those around us. It is so easy to judge others. And so many reason why we slip into that mode. Personally, I find myself doing it when I am feeling insecure. But it is wrong. And I am finding there is one sure way to stop it. I ask myself what does God feel about this person? What does God feel about me? And the answer is simple. HE LOVES THEM! HE LOVE ME!! We are each, individually, so very important to Him. We are His children. We are valued and needed. 

Look around you. Who do you see? Whoever you see, remember that he or she is a valued child of God and He loves them! Find a mirror. Who do you see? A valued child of God and He loves you!

This reminds me of an experience I had while on my mission. It had been a long, difficult day. We had not had a lot of success in our search that day for people to teach. On the way home, on the subway, I began to feel sorry for myself and frustrated that things were so difficult. Then, for some reason, I thought of the song, "I Am A Child of God" only, as I looked around at the people sitting quietly on the train, I found myself singing, "She is a child of God, and He has sent her here." It changed everything! These were not people who were out to make my life miserable. They were His children. He knew them. He cared for them and He asked me to be there to help them in whatever ways I could. It was not be done on my terms though. I had to learn to do things His way. I had to learn to submit. 

And here I am now, 25+ year later, still being taught the same lessons! I guess I shouldn't get too frustrated with my own children when they don't learn the "lesson" right away either!