Over-Thinking

Earlier tonight, I found myself wanting to do a status update on Facebook that would describe some of what I was feeling at the moment. As I searched for the right words and began to type, I found myself deleting the words and starting over. After the third time, I gave up and decided not to post anything of any real significance after all. In fact, I simply stated to all my Facebook-world friends that I had started and erased my status update three times! The response I got was a little unexpected and caused me to wonder if I should have just posted my original thought in the first place. As I started to explain myself on a public forum, I decided that maybe here would be a better venue. Much less attention given here and a more selective audience who I know won't roll their eyes and scoff at my thoughts. I mean, if you're reading this, it is because you chose to come to this particular site and read my random thoughts. You had some amount of understanding of what you were getting yourself into! Whereas on Facebook, it just shows up in front of your face whether you really wanted to read it or not!!!

So what did I want to post on Facebook that never made it there? You can only continue to read if you promise not to roll your eyes! (Or at least don't tell me that you rolled your eyes!)

I just wanted to say how sometimes, when I contemplate my life, how giddy it makes me feel inside. To realize simply that Heavenly Father knows and loves me! I think about people in our society who society has deemed as "important". And many of them truly are important. But they don't know me or really care about me as an individual. But Heavenly Father...He knows me! And he LOVES me!! And It fills me with all kinds of wonderful feelings to know this. So much so that sometimes I just want to announce it to everyone I know! And I want with all my heart for everyone I know to also be able to know this for themselves. But I am so limited and flawed and selfish. And I fall very short when it comes to doing my part. Yet--HE STILL LOVES ME ANYWAY!! It's so amazing! It's so humbling. It's so motivating! 

And why, you may wonder, would I not put that on Facebook? Don't judge. . .or don't keep reading! I don't want someone who doesn't know this for themselves to feel like I think I'm better than they are. Or feel badly and get discouraged. I don't want someone to feel like I'm trying to be all preachy and stop wanting to be my "friend." 

I know that I'm kind of a "one-track-mind" kind of person. I tend to get fixated on things. I tend to see everything in my life through whatever spectacles I am wearing at the time. And right now in my life, I am pretty fixated on spiritual, gospel related things. It sometimes drives my kids crazy. But truth is, when I'm fixated on something, it is very personal to me. I don't want to put such things "out there" to be judged and scoffed. But here, on my little blog that only a few ever read, I feel safe. So--Thank you for reading this. Thank you for not judging or scoffing! Thank you for choosing to read my random and often non-sensical thoughts!

It's good to have good friends! ;-)

People Watching and Recurring Lessons!

I had a moment of clarity today that has stayed with me. I had a moment where I was just sitting and watching people around me. I have always liked to sit and observe others. People are fascinating! As I was observing everyone, I felt like I could see everyone's flaws. People seemed to be broken, sad, and troubled. I felt like I could feel their longing to be accepted, loved and needed. I became keenly aware how much I was just like them as I contemplated my own mortal state and my many weaknesses and insecurities. Then, in an instant it seemed, I was filled with the knowledge that each and everyone of us are known and loved by our Heavenly Father. And I felt so strongly the truth that each and every one of us, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, can be perfected. We can be mended, given joy and peace and whatever we need to overcome! Eternal Life is the promise. It is what God intends to give us if we will have it. 

As I think about this more, I feel deeply the importance of loving and not judging those around us. It is so easy to judge others. And so many reason why we slip into that mode. Personally, I find myself doing it when I am feeling insecure. But it is wrong. And I am finding there is one sure way to stop it. I ask myself what does God feel about this person? What does God feel about me? And the answer is simple. HE LOVES THEM! HE LOVE ME!! We are each, individually, so very important to Him. We are His children. We are valued and needed. 

Look around you. Who do you see? Whoever you see, remember that he or she is a valued child of God and He loves them! Find a mirror. Who do you see? A valued child of God and He loves you!

This reminds me of an experience I had while on my mission. It had been a long, difficult day. We had not had a lot of success in our search that day for people to teach. On the way home, on the subway, I began to feel sorry for myself and frustrated that things were so difficult. Then, for some reason, I thought of the song, "I Am A Child of God" only, as I looked around at the people sitting quietly on the train, I found myself singing, "She is a child of God, and He has sent her here." It changed everything! These were not people who were out to make my life miserable. They were His children. He knew them. He cared for them and He asked me to be there to help them in whatever ways I could. It was not be done on my terms though. I had to learn to do things His way. I had to learn to submit. 

And here I am now, 25+ year later, still being taught the same lessons! I guess I shouldn't get too frustrated with my own children when they don't learn the "lesson" right away either!

Inquiring of the Lord

Yesterday morning, as I was sipping on my Shakeology/Breakfast, I opened up my scriptures to read a little. These days, I do most of my reading on my iPhone or iPad rather than in my regular scriptures. I typically make sure that I've read at least one whole chapter each day. But for some reason, the last time I read, I stopped only a few versus into the chapter before updating the bookmark. So today, I started in the middle of a thought, as it were. And after only one sentence, I had to stop and ponder for the rest of the time what I had just read and what I felt I had just been taught!

In this verse, Mormon simply states, "immediately after I had learned these things of you, I inquired of the Lord concerning the matter." 

At the moment that I read this sentence, I did not remember just what was going on nor exactly what Mormon was referring to having just learned. However, I was jolted awake as I thought about a divine principle that seemed to be before my eyes. I didn't take the time at the moment to read more and  see just exactly what was going on -- I was too wrapped up in other thoughts. Here's the lesson I learned.

Basic and simple--whenever I am taught something, I have the right to inquire of the Lord concerning that which I have been taught. To know if it is true. To know what the Lord would have me know concerning it. I thought of the scripture in Nephi (one of my favorite scriptures that I often quote to myself) where he is talking with his brothers who were a bit frustrated about Lehi's dream and the interpretation of it. They could not understand what it meant. And Nephi asks them thee question of all questions: "Have ye inquired of the Lord?" (1 Nephi 15:8). I love this. Whenever I feel frustrated about something I don't quite understand, I often remind myself that I should inquire of the Lord by quoting this to myself. "Have ye inquired of the Lord?" Often when I visit with others, when I have good, heart-to-heart talks with my children (which actually does happen on occasion!), I always try to invite them to go to the Lord in prayer, to "inquire of the Lord concerning the matter." I know that I can promise them that as they do so -- sincerely and with pure intent -- the Lord will guide them and provide answers for them. 

So I just love the lesson that I learned this morning. I feel like it states very plaining and clearly that I can pray not only to know the Lord's will for me, but also I can pray to have my own testimony and understanding of what is taught to me from anyone, anywhere, anytime! 

Now, I know that there is another lesson in these versus. Mormon is saying that when he was made aware of a certain situation, he went to the Lord to inquire about what the Lord wanted to have done to remedy the situation. And he was given very clear direction. It is my testimony that this is also a true principle. If anything happens around us that we don't agree with, if we are taught anything that we don't feel is right, if we want to have a greater knowledge and understanding of what is right and what the Lord's will is, we can inquire of Him concerning the matter. And, just as Mormon was taught, we too can be taught. 

I love that I know that I can "inquire of the Lord" about anything. About truths I've been taught. About things I don't feel are right. And I can know for myself the truthfulness of Eternal Principles I can know for myself what is right and what is wrong. And I can be guided and directed about how to act and how to help build the Kingdom in my little corner of this world. 

The Lord has given us many gifts. He has also given each of us the right, the privilege and the responsibility to use our gifts to bless the lives of those around us. We will be blessed as we do and we will feel his love more abundantly as we seek to have knowledge and understanding of Eternal Truths. How grateful I am to know this. How grateful I am to have experienced the process in my life. It brings joy and an abundance of love into my life that could come by no other means!