A Rejuvenating Day

Today I went to the temple after a 4-month unwanted (and completely unwelcomed) hiatus. I’ve been feeling myself needing to go for quite awhile, but have not gone due to my work schedule and crazy, busy life that I’ve had since starting working at The Picture People back in August. Although I am grateful for the job and appreciate that they hired me back on, I am already feeling that it is not where I belong long-term. I have to work too many nights and too many Sundays. And although even one Sunday a month would be “too many” I’m currently suppose to work 2 a month. So 50% of the time, I don’t get to go to Church. Add that to not teaching Seminary, not going to the temple weekly, slacking on my scripture study and prayers, not getting my Visiting Teaching done, and the list could actually go on and on. . .I have been in somewhat of a downward spiral these last few months as far as my spirituality goes. And it has had me feeling very concerned. I am not the same person I was 6 months ago and I do not like who I am becoming. I feel an old, familiar but undesirable, rebellious nature being brought back to the surface. I have felt quite frustrated a lot lately and feel an internal fight going on as I try to come to terms with where I am at and what I am responsible for.

Tuesday, I was feeling pretty down about everything. I had been thinking about the branch balanced on the rocks a lot. And I contemplated what it is that I need to do differently so that I could, once again, be balanced. I did a simple checklist with the basic Seminary answers. To be “balanced on the Rock” one must read the scriptures, pray, attend Church meetings, serve, be obedient to qualify for the Holy Ghost’s protection and guidance. As I pondered this list, I was embarrassed and humbled to see the glaring reality. No wonder my spirituality was suffering. I was struggling in every area.

During this time of frustration for me, my dear friend Lynn called. I felt bad because I’m sure she called to share something from her life and I turned the call into something completely about me. I shared my frustrations. My concerns. And I also think I scared her some because I was, at the time, feeling pretty apathetic towards making things better. She gave me some firm, but loving, advice to do the things that I knew I should do. She also reminded me of a talk from the most recent General Conference that I should read called "Preserving the Heart's Mighty Change". I read it and knew immediately that she was inspired to tell me about it. It was exactly what I needed. I’ve read it like 5 times since Tuesday! And it gives me hope, encouragement and strength. Here's a link to the talk: http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1117-31,00.html

The temple today gave me a spiritual rejuvenation that I so needed. I felt the Lord’s love for me and I was given answers to my prayers. Which, really, just sort of amazes me. How quick He is to come running to my rescue. Even before the words can be formed and leave my lips, the Savior is there to hear me and to respond to me. Before I am fully aware of the cliff that I am about to fall over, He is standing at ready to catch me and save me from my demise! I am so unworthy. Yet He is there. I have such a rebellious nature sometimes and yet, He loves me. He believes in me. He saves me. How can I ever be worthy of all He gives?!

I am so grateful for the time I spent in the temple today. I know that there are many things I must do to bring myself back to where I need to and want to be spiritually. I received some wonderful gifts today. I went into the session asking for strength, courage and wisdom. I came away with all of the above.

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me!!!